Funny Life Sayings and Funny Life Quotes (2024)

Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive.Elbert Hubbard

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matterMark Twain

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.Lily Tomlin

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?Woody Allen

Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese.Billie Burke

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.Jimmy Durante

Life is like a roll of toilet paper; hopefully long and useful, but it always ends at the wrong moment.Rudyh

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.Anthony Burgess

If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z - keeping your mouth shut.Albert Einstein

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cakeBob Hope

You are only young once, but you can be immature forever.Hannah Marks

Life is funny, when you are young you want to be older and those that are older wish to be younger.Karon Waddell

Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it.Sam Levenson

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experienceMark Twain

You may not always end up where you thought you were going, But you will always end up where you were meant to be.Jessica taylor

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!Billy Connolly

The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs...one step at a time.Joe Girard

I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.Charles M. Schulz

Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.Criss Jami

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly tooRodney Dangerfield

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.Steven Wright

The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.Albert Einstein

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.Brooke Shields

People will laugh at anything, except their own moronic self.Fakeer Ishavardas

Tolerance! The virtue that makes one bite his tongue so that he can tear out his hair.Criss Jami

The fact that we're all different is the one thing we all have in common.Justin Young

Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.Kyle Chandler

Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.Charles M. Schulz

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religionFred Allen

Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.John Lennon

The purpose of our lives is to be happy.Dalai Lama

Get busy living or get busy dying.Stephen King

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.Mae West

Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.Thomas A. Edison

If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.Albert Einstein

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking.Steve Jobs

Not how long, but how well you have lived is the main thing.Seneca

If life were predictable it would cease to be life, and be without flavor.Eleanor Roosevelt

The whole secret of a successful life is to find out what is one’s destiny to do, and then do it. Henry Ford

In order to write about life first you must live it.Ernest Hemingway

The big lesson in life, baby, is never be scared of anyone or anything.Frank Sinatra

Curiosity about life in all of its aspects, I think, is still the secret of great creative people.Leo Burnett

Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.Soren Kierkegaard

The unexamined life is not worth living.Socrates

Don’t settle for what life gives you; make life better and build something.Ashton Kutcher

Life imposes things on you that you can’t control, but you still have the choice of how you’re going to live through this.Celine Dion

Life is never easy. There is work to be done and obligations to be met – obligations to truth, to justice, and to liberty.John F. Kennedy

Live for each second without hesitation.Elton John

The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up.Mark Twain

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.Mark Twain

I am still determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I find myself.Martha Washington

Blessed is he who makes his companions laugh.The Koran

Happy are those who have given up worrying once and for all.Ovid

He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he hasEpictetus

It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.Marcus Aurelius

The happiness of you life depends on the quality of your thoughts.Marcus Aurelius

Mirth, and even cheerfulness, when employed as remedies in low spirits, are like hot water to a frozen limb.Benjamin Rush

The most wasted of all days is that in which we have not laughed.Sebastien Chamfort

Dost thou love life?Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of.Benjamin Franklin

Life is like a guided tour, where we are the tourists, our inner voice is the guide and the destiny is like a travel company which tries to give us the best possible 'package' that our 'Karma' can afford!D.S. Pandit

Life is cruising the ocean while watching a beautiful sunrise.Jean Watson

Life is a meaningless existence unless equality exists for every living soul.Jean Watson

Life is the rustling of leaves as the wind blows. You will experience the true meaning of life once you show appreciation for the simple things God provides daily.Jean Watson

Developing a cheerful disposition can permit an atmosphere wherein one's spirit can be nurtured and encouraged to blossom and bear fruit. Being pessimistic and negative about our experiences will not enhance the quality of our lives. A determination to be of good cheer can help us and those around us to enjoy life more fully.Barbara Winder

Life teaches you many lessons, many good, some bad. Just learn from the good and forget the bad.J.D.Rockefeller

Life is a succession of moments. To live each one is to succeed.Corita Kent

When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another.Helen Keller

Do not be afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living and your belief will create the fact.William James

According to this third important mental law, your outer life is a mirror image to your inner life.Brian Tracy

Everything you have in your life today you have attracted to yourself by the person you are, by the way you think. You can change your life because you can change the person you are. You can change your thoughts that you think.Brian Tracy

The most important things in life that are free are common sense, knowledge, and opportunities. If you acquire one of the three, the others will fall with in your grasp.Jean Watson

We need to accept that most things in life are beyond our control, but they are generally good.D. S. Pandit

Even in life, it is wise to find good people and experiences, instead of complaining about the bad ones; while keeping in mind that even the good experiences will not last forever.D. S. Pandit

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.Michelangelo

If you were born without wings, do nothing to prevent them form growing.Coco Chanel

If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes.St. Clement of Alexandra

Other times we feel discouraged, drained and spiritually weak and need inspiration and added strength to keep ourselves striving to build the life that we envisioned to continue to move forward.J.D.Rockefeller

No on said life was easy - there are always challenges, and hurdles along the way that must be overcome.J.D.Rockefeller

And I truly believe that the information, thoughts, ideas and inspiration that we feed our mind, soul and spirit with has a direct correlation with the quality and ultimately the direction of our life's unfolding.J.D.Rockefeller

Having children gives your life purpose. Right now my purpose is to get some sleep.Reno Goodale

To me old age is always fifteen year older than I am.Bernard Baruch

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.George Burns

I was introduced to a beautiful young lady as a man in his nineties. Early nineties, I insisted.George Burns

I don't know how you feel about old age, but in my case I didn't even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.Phyllis Diller

I'm at the age when my back goes out more than I do.Phyllis Diller

Eighty is a wonderful age - especially if you're ninety.Abel Green

An elderly woman in a nursing home declined her pastor's suggestion that she get a hearing aid. 'At 91, I've hear enough,' she said.Catherine Hall

In youth we want to change the world. In old age we want to change youth.Garth Henrichs

I'm now old enough to personally identify every object in antique stores.Anita Milner

Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age.Victor Hugo

Children are a great comfort in your old age-and they help you reach it faster too.Richard Kauffmann

Oh to be old again,' said a young corpse.Stanislaw Lec